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[12 May 2007|02:21am] |
peter, bjork & john - objects of my affection
I remember when, when i first moved here,
a long time ago,
´cause i heard some song i used to hear back then,
a lone time ago.
i remember when, even further back,
in another town,
´cause i saw something written i used to say back then,
hard to comprehend
and the question is, was i more alive
then than i am now?
i happily have to disagree;
i laugh more often now, i cry more often now,
i am more me.
but of cause some days, i just lie around
and hardly exist,
and can´t tell apart what i´m eating
from my hand or my wrist.
´cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh,
the difference is thin.
but life has a certian ability or breating new
life into me,
so i breathe it in.
it says here we are, and we all are here,
and you still can make sense,
if you just show up and present an honest face,
instead of that grin.
and the other day, this new friend of mine
said something to me
"just because something starts differently,
doesn´t mean it´s worth less."
and i soaked it in, how i soaked it in,
how i soaked it in
and just as to prove how right he was,
then you came.
so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
i´m gonna give you a try,
so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
i´m gonna give you a try
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[27 Apr 2007|11:01pm] |
feist - the park
Why would he come back through the park
You thought that you saw him, but no you did not
It's not him coming across the sea to surprise you
Not him who would know where in London to find you
Sadness so real that it populates
The city and leaves you homeless again
Steam from a cup and snow on the path
The seasons have changed from the present to past
The past...
There's hope to have
In the past...
Why would he come back through the park
You thought that you saw him, but no you did not
Who can be sure of anything through
The distance that keeps you from knowing truth
Why would he think, the boy could become
The man who could make you sure he was the one
The one...
My one...
My one...
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[31 Mar 2007|04:21pm] |
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I'm abandoning this journal.
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[31 Mar 2007|02:37am] |
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I miss you, Danny Scales.
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[29 Mar 2007|03:23am] |
sigh. i still want to crawl up on your chest. still want to have your face in front of my face. watching your expressions. i love them. i love you. it doesn't fade.
i guess i'm just crazy. but.. i'd like to think i'm not... sighhh.
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| wrote this a couple months ago.. |
[27 Mar 2007|10:39pm] |
oh, speckled flickering mirage of pristine semblance
you know i am weak to such visages
such vistas and prospects
your nimble fingers, keen to the threads in my soul
pluck gently, my heart is so weary
pluck lightly, i have no capacity for this force
in corners where your ambiance has not shone
i reach out
silence, so stifling and cumbersome, is a mask i cannot endure
i reach out
this purity of existence is beyond my soiled hands
i reach out
these reverberations and subtle vibrations move me
and I continue to fall
and, i feel better now. still really tired, but at least my brain is functioning again.
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[22 Mar 2007|02:07pm] |
http://www.lyssten.com
check out my website! it's so sweet.
and check it out in days to come because I'm turning it into a personal website as opposed to a class website.
mehnks.
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[21 Mar 2007|03:02pm] |
will we ever kiss again? will our hands ever touch again? do you wonder these things? probably not, right?
i know i know. i'm crazy. bet you regret 99% of it all by now. i know. i'm hard. i am a handful that not many people have room to hold.
i knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwalready.
f.
i just think i could do it :(. this time :(. but there's no time :(. for any of it
i'm just sad. i want to do better. and there is nothing else.
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| Art for sale! |
[15 Mar 2007|12:07am] |
Hey... I'm going to be making some of my things available for sale if any one is interested. (I really need money!)
I will be putting some prices on some of the things I have posted in my myspace pictures section. Mostly I am going to be selling prints, but I will take requests for paintings or photographs if there are any.
you can also look through my photobucket account for anything that you find. Sorry for the unprofessionalism... I haven't had the time required to get all my work in one organized fashion for viewers..
Pricing for prints will probably be $60+ for 8.5x11" and $100+ for 11x17". Large format prices will have to be discussed and figured out upon request. I'll go as large as you are willing to pay for, and I promise I know how to print quality prints of any size.
Eventually I will have a website up, probably at the end of the semester, and I will definitely have a showing of some point between April and mid summer.
If you are interested in purchasing any of my work, you can send me a message, and we can exchange contact information.
Thanks! Looking forward to doing business with you!
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[10 Mar 2007|01:39am] |
needs no explanation or reason. enjoy.
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| i might as well write a book about this someday. |
[23 Feb 2007|04:37pm] |
recently i was coloring in your flesh on a paper that once stood void and black. oil pastels, smeared on my already filthy fingertips.. these fingertips that were only meant to make representations of you, and never to touch you.. again, anyway.
But as I so delicately and precisely made your skin rise from the surface... as I so tenderly scribed the warmness i feel for you, translated in golden yellow light wrapping around your cheeks.. sharp direct glares shining in your knowing eyes... as you slowly appeared before me, I remembered a night, one of THE nights, really.. when these lips -- which i only had to draw once to capture the form of -- were centimeters.. and sometimes halves of centimeters.. away from my neck. Right there, creating a pinnacle moment.. where we leaned for the first time without being able to help ourselves.
These days I suddenly feel quite old. When I remember the girl I was that night, I feel like I am looking back on myself 8 years ago. When really it hasn't even been a whole year yet. You always used to comment on my innocence... maybe it is something you liked about me, I am not sure anymore.. and I always got offended and would start listing off all my achievements and boast about how much I've been through to "prove" I wasn't so innocent.. I'm sure you remember.. I think about that and I kind of laugh at myself. Oh the things I obviously did not know. And how I would not so gracefully end up proving you right.
I sometimes wish I could look through your eyes at how you saw me when it all began. I want to know who I was.. what I possessed in the beginning that captured your heart so intensely. I still feel like a fake.. or that I tricked you somehow.. that I'm not that person you saw and that I never was or will be.. that I COULDN'T be. I couldn't be an amazing girl to someone I saw so amazing myself. I couldn't be an answer to such a genuine calling in someone so wise and full of light of all colors and intensities. I always thought you had me mixed up with someone. Or that you were just casting someone else's persona on to me mistakenly. Maybe I've never said all this, I don't know if I have or not. But I think that is why I was a hedgehog so often.. so buried away from you and far.. i didn't want you to find out.. how much more stupid(in every way) than you seemed to think I was.. But I guess that is[one of the major things] that made me crack in the end. I felt like I was lying to you. Letting you love someone that wasn't even me. I felt like I would inevitably let you down... because the person you made me feel like was strong, deep, meaningful.. essentially beautiful... and I didn't think I had any of those traits.. i guess.
I don't know. It's crazy maybe. But sometimes I look in the mirror and I see her. and sometimes it kind of makes sense that sometimes this is a really tender spot with me... because maybe i was meant for it and now it is gone?... maybe for one moment i had something that really complimented who i am, but now all i feel is the strongest lacking? Sometimes I wonder if at any one of these moments, where I am walking to my car, or outside smoking, and suddenly I feel myself sharing the same skin and lips as that girl you once loved so much... and you happen to walk past me, if you would see it in me too. If at that moment we would find ourselves leaning without being able to help ourselves. creating a pinnacle moment.
but it's just a thought. that i had while i smoothed the undertones of your cheeks with my fingertips. those fingertips that are only meant to make representations of you.. and perhaps to never touch you, again.
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[18 Feb 2007|09:36pm] |
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| A poem by Sappho |
[07 Feb 2007|01:17am] |
Thorned in splendor, beauteous child of mighty
Zeus, wile-weaving, immortal Aphrodite,
smile again; your frowning so affrays me
woe over weighs me.
Come to me now, if ever in the olden days
you did hear me from afar, and from the
golden halls of your father fly with all speeding
unto my pleading.
Down through mid-ether from Love's highest regions
swan-drawn in car convoyed by lovely legions
of bright-hued doves beclouding with their pinions
Earth's broad dominions.
Quickly you came; and, Blessed One, with
smiling countenance immortal, my heavy heart
beguiling, asked the cause of my pitiful condition --
why my petition:
What most I craved in brain-bewildering yearning;
whom would I win, so winsome in her spurning;
"Who is she, Sappho, so evilly requiting
fond love with slighting?
"She who flees you soon shall turn pursuing,
cold to your love now, weary with wooing,
gifts once scorned with greater gifts reclaiming
unto her shaming."
Come thus again; from cruel cares deliver;
of all that my heart wills graciously be giver --
greatest of gifts, your loving self and tender
to be my defender.
Sappho, an artistic notion of the Greek poet by Charles-August Mengin
*sigh*
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[31 Jan 2007|11:17pm] |
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dang. well.. turns out i'm not getting my computer until NEXT week. sigh.
Aside from this news, today was a pretty okay day. I felt motivated and went to school to do homework for 6 hours. Lately it seems like it takes me way longer to do my stuff. I wonder why[seriously].
Other than that I didn't really do anything. I went to the slag house but everyone was kind of distracted. so i went home.
I was in pretty good spirits all day... now I just feel strange. Not really bad or good. I feel like my opacity has been lowered 25%.
The darkness of the night during winter time is the worst. My heart always drops a little when I look outside and all of the sudden it is dark. There's just something so disconnected from it. And I suppose maybe that is how I am feeling right now... or lately... I don't know.
dis.con.nect.ed.
sigh... so many sighs these days.
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[31 Jan 2007|12:00pm] |
Tomorrow I am going to leave intro to Vis Comm early and drive myself to Ann Arbor and get myselfffffffffffffff a LAP TOP!!!!!!! finally!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited..... my life is about to get 70x more simple.
I hope I can get all the programs I need relatively soon.
YES!
today:
deposit check for laptop
go to school and do work work work work.
be excited all day.
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[30 Jan 2007|07:49pm] |
*sigh of exhaustion* man it's been a crazy week. I've been going to school for 6-8 hours every day to get my crap done.
Yesterday, as I was doing watercolor drawings of the Bill of Rights in a frenzy, Jen came in to the house and reported that her car had just been stolen at gun-point. *shakes head* She's okay she didn't get hurt, but still.. what a shitty thing to have to go through. :(
And then not more than 3 hours later, Sid's car alarm went off and Sid, Gregg, and Lou went running after these three dudes who were all under Sid's hood.
I dunno if it is the weather -- coooooooooooooooooooooooold and snowing every 3 minutes -- but crime is definitely up these days. Last week these two dudes chased me back into the Slag house trying to sell me a keyboard they had undoubtedly just stolen. It was 1:30 in the morning... why would I want to buy a keyboard off you at that time of night? Get an ebay account.
So i dunno. I'm so tired and I haven't showered in like 4 days. I've been working like a mad-woman. and i still didn't really get great results. Either way, it doesn't look like I'll have much work to do this weekend, aside from a few things.
I feel sad.
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| rantingrantingranting |
[29 Jan 2007|02:30pm] |
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this has been the busiest third/fourth week of school ever! I have had so much work to do... I still don't think I'm going to be able to finish before tomorrow.
- I just finished #9 of 10 miniposters I have to make for VisComm... it's been a three day process.
- Yesterday I got one of three of my interior pages to the website I am building SORT OF completed. Now I just have to add a few things and do two more.
- I have to somehow compile 30 images and the content for this webpage out of thin air. This is the part I am screwed on.
I just figured out yesterday afternoon what I want my website to even be about. How was I supposed to know what images to start making/capturing? *shakes head* this has to be the most assinine forced process work ever. I should be able to make images when I realize I need them. Not make them before I even know what the fuck I am making them for.
- And of course, I have the liberal arts classes to worry about. I have to write a little response in accordance to the way Roland Barthes set up his autobiography.
You'd think with how often Roland Barthes comes up in my classes, they'd just put a freaking poster of him up somewhere or name a building after him. Not to be cynical, I respect him very much, I just feel like there are probably other people to bring up in response to semiotics and cultural response yada yada. I'm sick of hearing this guy's name.
if you haven't figured it out yourself, I am feeling pretty crabby today. This weekend was totally sacrificed for school, and I don't mind doing that if I have to, but it is irritating none-the-less. Because tomorrow I have to go to school from 1-10 and get more work dished out to me, and I will just have to wait again until next weekend to do it because I don't have a computerrrrrrrrrrrrrr >:O. This is the worst. I'm so sick of this routine. I hope someday soon I will be able to go one day without having to come to the freaking computer labs for 8 hours at a time. I hope I get my computer soon so I can do my work where ever I want.
and it is way way way too hot in here.
and in about an hour and 20 minutes I'm going to get kicked out of here by a class, and I am going to have to sneak into another lab somewhere. such a wasteeeee of time.
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[25 Jan 2007|04:25pm] |
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sigh
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